Mother's Day

Well, my first Mother's Day was sort of a wash. Hazel and I are both sick with a terrible cold and cough and we have both spent the last few days crying without reason and experimenting with various methods of de-snotting ourselves. I have to say that using the bulb syringe to extract massive amounts of mucus from Hazel's nostrils, then emptying it in the sink, is not exactly my ideal way to spend a beautiful spring afternoon. Since being sick (again) Hazel has been totally off her normal schedule; she has been waking at odd times at night and eating an ounce an hour. She wakes herself up screaming bloody murder, then inexplicably stops. Sometimes she won't even open her eyes. Of course, she has been attached to me 24/7 and will not be put down for a moment. I think we are all going a bit mad. WASH YOUR HANDS, PEOPLE!

So on Sunday we were not feeling great, despite the fabulous sunny warm day and all of the flowering trees. Jamie made me a coffee cake for breakfast and he gave me a black and white photo of Crane Beach. I managed to take a long bath when Jamie took the dogs and Hazel out for a hike in the woods. I also got to paint my toes for the first time in a year! I will not let motherhood turn me into a Dumpy Mommy if I can help it. I have my moments, for sure and I'm far from a glamour queen, but I'll be damned if I become one of those women with four inch grey roots who never gets out of her pyjamas. *shiver* (Here is where I brace for the email, "Dear Madam, I found your blog to be Very Offensive. I happen to have four inch roots and I'll have you know that I am a Very Good Mother!")

Here are a couple of pictures of Ms. Hazel-Don't-Call-Her-Miss. Hazel from this week.

"En Garde!" One of the funnier infant reflexes that will soon be gone.

Hector Fishstick and his baby. Have you ever seen anything cuter? Could you just die?

Jamie's Strawberry Coffee Cake. It's all gone now.

My Mother's Day flowers.

Peonies, Calla lilys, Orchids...I was channeling my Grandma Annie when I took a million pictures of the flowers. She loved Mother's day, and she loved flowers. She was definitely on my mind all day, especially when I caught the smell of lilacs in the air.

I started to feel a little better after my bath, and it was beautiful out so we took Hazel and ourselves out for a big lunch at Zabaglione and we even ordered dessert. Who gets dessert at lunch? I do. We took a walk around town and gawked at the return of all the Summer People and Tourists (you can tell them by their big, shiny, Eurotrash cars in colors like Canary Yellow...and the New York plates are a dead giveaway). We walked along the river and Hazel slept he whole time. The rest of the afternoon was pretty status quo; Jamie did yard work and Hazel and I watched TV and napped. Before we knew it it was ten o'clock and time for Hazel to retire to her car seat ( for maximum snot drainage) and for all of us to go to bed.

Come Out, Come Out Whoever You Are

Someone at Hanscom Air Force Base has been looking at Hazel's blog pretty obessively. I'm talking several times a day, every day. I think that it's time for you to Reveal Youself! Also, to the folks in Hyde Park/ Roslindale who check the blog about fifty times a week, whats up? Introduce yourself.

"Get on the Horn and Tell Them No!"

Eleven Weeks and Nursery Design...a Long One

Balking at generic, pastel-hued romper rooms, style-savvy Boston parents are putting creativity (and money) into their children's living spaces like never before.

Except I didn't spend any money.

Here are some pictures of Hazel's room. I realized that I had never taken any, and considering how much work and thought I put into it, I think I would like something to remember it by before Hazel gets old enough to trash it. I really did NOT want the typical pastel-pink, fluffy girls nursery. I have never been a fan of the color pink (or anything pastel) and frankly, there is no reason for it. I wanted Hazel's room to grow with her, and to be a neural background. Her room is going to serve many purposes over the years and it is a large 13'X14' space that will have several "areas" for various purposes (a reading area, an art area, etc). Most importantly, everything will have a place. I think that it's important for a kids room to be just a more playful extension of the style used in the rest of the house. It should be able to blend seamlessly with mom and dads style, and when was the last time you saw me wear anything fuchsia or a Little Mermaid sweatshirt? I am so happy with the way it turned out. It is so bright and sunny, colorful and fun. Its relaxing when I want it to be and stimulating when it's playtime. It's easy to keep neat and clean, modern, and cool. I loved the article in Boston Magazine because it talks about design for various developmental stages and it is exactly what I was trying to do. Other than the Ikea changing table and crib, and the mobile in her crib, everything is from a grown-up store. And there is no Winnie the Pooh!!! (Click on any picture to see a larger copy.)

The mobile from Ikea (under $3!) over Hazel's changing table. She is obsessed with it!

All of Hazel's nursery furniture came from Ikea and it was $300 all together. The crib converts to a toddler bed and the changing table converts to a dresser.

Hazel's changing table. In addition to Seventh Generation dioxin-free 'sposies, we are also using gDiapers; cloth hybrids with a flushable lining. Genius, and so cute! I will post sometime about the products that we use for Hazel as we try to keep her toxin-free.

Hazel loving on her crib mobile. It consists of changeable cards with graphic, high-contrast images. She talks to them.

I guess if there is a theme, it would be birds. This rug came from West Elm. I love birds as design elements, but I hate them in real life. They have mites and will peck your eyes out. I'm afraid of them getting caught in my hair and flapping. *shiver*

Hazels floor quilt from Grandma Sandy, made from vintage fabric. Adorable.

More green birds. These decals are from blik and are so inexpensive and easy to put up on the wall. When you are finished with them, they peel right off without affecting the paint. They come in a million designs and you can even get custom work.

This is Hazel's Dining Room. The pillow on the glider was embroidered by my Grandmother Anna, for whom Hazel is named. The lamp is an antique that was in the house I grew up in and gives a lovely dim light for night-time feedings. Currently reading: Where the Sidewalk Ends. Currently Listening: NPR: This American Life.

More mobile excitement!

This is a little hand-knit dog-bear-cat-monkey from Sweeters. It's custom made with your kiddos name knit on it and in the colors of your choice. I couldn't resist at only $32 plus a 20% off coupon. It's so hard to find personalized things with her name. This came out adorably, and would make a super cute gift.

THIS! This is the first quilt that my mother made. She was horribly pregnant with me in a heat wave and occupied herself by sitting on the floor and quilting directly onto the big round coffee table. She called it Brer's World after her pet rabbit Brer who is snacking on carrots in the bottom left corner. *Note my parents skinny-dipping on the bottom right corner. Also note my mothers tattooed arse. This hung in my nursery (on psychedelic lime green walls) and I spend hours of my childhood staring into this little Utopian fantasy world. I still get lost in it.

Hazel's crib that she has slept in four times.

I got these cubes from The Company Store and the canvas bins from somewhere I forget. They are on locking casters for easy moving and provide a ton of storage for toys and books. I have always loved the Dwell Baby line of stuff, but I'll be damned if I'm going to pay over $300 for crib bedding. Now that they have a line at Target, Hazel can indulge her champagne tastes on a Natural Light budget with these cute curtains. The photographs on the wall are from our summer hike in Isle au Haut, Maine.

So that's Hazels environment! I'm doing double duty with this post and adding a couple of pictures for her Week Eleven. Next Tuesday she is going to be hitting a HUGE milestone. I'll try to take lots of pictures. This past week has been busy and routine, as usual. We went for a nice walk with Hazel's new BFF Magnolia who we met in our Neurotic Mother's Group. Magnolia and Hazel are two weeks apart and live just up the street so they will be going to school together! Magnolia's mom Laurie is not at all neurotic, and she is even capable of having intelligent conversations about non-baby related things. Glory be!

This past weekend Hazel went to her cousin Owen's first birthday party in Roslindale. It seems like yesterday when we all were getting together to drink and smoke and swear, but all of a sudden there are like fifteen kiddos underfoot. There was minimal drinking, no smoking and silent spelling of swear words. Hazel was quite overwhelmed and slept for most of the party. Owen was spectacular, as usual. That night we had our second soiree of the evening; Aunt Jessica and Uncle Jeremy's joint 30th birthday party at the Kowloon. Jamie and I were exhausted, and Hazel had had it by the time we got there. It was so incredibly loud and crowded at the Kowloon that we just gave the quickest of Birthday Wishes, skipped the mai tai and rushed back out of there. Poor Hazel was a total wreck the next day; she was very fussy and slept almost the entire day right on my chest. She didn't want anything to do with anything else.

Today we are going to lay low and get back on schedule. Hazel needs time to re-attach and rest. She really needs a lot of quiet time to herself each day. When there are so many people passing her around like an hors d'oeuvre platter and talking in her face she shuts down, then melts down. I really need to get better at protecting her from so much stimulus.

I also need to get better about telling people to wash their hands. I thought it was common sense, but apparently not. I don't want to be that crazy lady squirting Purell at everyone who comes within ten feet, but like hell I'm going to end up back in the hospital so someone doesn't get their feelings hurt. It's like this; if you are sick, don't touch my kid. If you have not washed your hands since you last [insert food, child or bathroom activity here] then don't touch my kids hands or face. I have been assuming a basic level of courtesy and cleanliness, but I have been assuming incorrectly, so it looks like I'm going to have to start laying down the law. Also, your kid is adorable and I love him/her, but he/she is most likely carrying something that my kids immune system does not have antibodies for so keep them away. I know it's cute to see a kid handle a baby like a doll, but it's not really worth another spinal tap. Thanks for your cooperation.

Here are some pictures of Hazel being Grumpolina and some of her enjoying the Celtics games.

Hazel's Playlist

Not Fade Away: Buddy Holly & the Crickets (love is love not fade away)
Chan Chan: Buena Vista Social Club
Here come the Martian Martians: Jonathan Richman & the Modern Lovers
If You're Feeling Sinister: Belle & Sebastian
'Deed I Do: Blossom Dearie
Handle With Care: Jenny Lewis & the Watson Twins
After Hours: Velvet Underground
China Girl: David Bowie
Don't Call Me Whitney, Bobby: Islands
Centerfold: The J. Giles Band
SexyBack: Justin Timberlake
Who By Fire: Leonard Cohen
Ugly: Violent Femmes
Rockaway Beach: The Ramones

The Worst Day of Our Lives

So you might notice that this is the fourth new post today. We are a little backed up over here because we have had a bad few days.

On Tuesday morning, Hazel and I were at our Neurotic Mothers Group. She had her bottle, we played on the floor for a little while and she fell asleep as she usually does. After group, a bunch of us went out for lunch. Hazel slept in her car seat under the table, but I had a hard time waking her up to eat. She only took half of her bottle after I forced it on her. We left to come home where she continued to sleep on my chest all afternoon. She was a bit groggy, but I assumed that it was from all of the excitement from the party on Sunday. Around 4:30, I had to wake her again for a feeding but this time I found her to be listless and very difficult to wake. I thought she felt warm, but she had been sleeping on my chest for hours. When I took her temperature, it was 101.1 so I called the pediatrician.

We go to the Emergency Department and the triage nurse took her temp. It was almost 103 at this point and she was on fire and totally lethargic. I could feel the heat radiating off of her little head. They took us in back to an exam, and the next few hours were some of the most painful of my life. First, they put a catheter in to get a urine sample. I stood on the other side of the room and cried while three nurses held my screaming baby down. Then, they needed to put in a heparin block, but baby veins aren't the easiest to poke, so it took three tries before they were able to get a line into her. They took some blood. I cried more.

Then, they told me that they needed to do a spinal tap to rule out meningitis. My stomach turned. We had to leave the room for that one, but we stood outside with our ears pressed against the door. She screamed and screamed and I paced the hall wringing my hands and crying. After a few minutes we could go back in. The nurse said, "She was so good and she didn't cry a bit." I hated her for lying to me. They told me that it doesn't hurt babies and I don't buy that for a second.

While we waited for the results, Hazel slept and fussed. She did not like the hep block in the back of the paw that she likes to chew on. The splint they put on her to keep her hand stable kept hitting her in the face when she would try to soothe herself. Finally, some results came back; her spinal fluid was negative for meningitis, but her white blood cell count was low and they would have to admit her to the hospital for at least two days.

I'm not even going to write about how scared and sad we were. I'm not even going write about the Big Fears that were running through both of our heads. All of the terrifying possibilities that we and so many other parents have had to face at this point are things that I can't even speak about with Jamie in our most private moments. I can't even let the words hit air. To hear Hazel scream like that hurt my body. I could feel myself falling apart. I was nothing but a seething bag of cortisol and helplessness.

The pediatric unit is depressing for a lot of reasons, but the thing I hated most about it was the stupid cartoons everywhere. The Pooh wallpaper border and the cheap Disney decals on the window of an otherwise typical dingy hospital room were pathetic and cloying. Hazel was hooked up to a bunch of monitors and received some antibiotics through her hep block. She had a Tylenol suppository By now it was 2am and we were tired. We slept.

For a day and a half her fever came and went. All of her cultures were coming back negative, so they were thinking that it must be a viral infection. We kept giving her Tylenol to keep her temperature down. She was fussy, cranky, scared, tired, clingy, needy, and hungry. Jamie and I took turns staying with her so we could go home to shower and walk the dogs (who were a total heartbroken wreck after we left them alone for so long). Last night her fever seemed to break and didn't come back. She started to coo and smile again, so Jamie stayed at home and I slept in the hospital. This morning the hospitalist and her pediatrician who came to visit said that she seemed to be doing well enough to go home. We were discharged this afternoon.

So here we are back at home. Hazel is still quite fussy and will only lay on mamas chest, but she isn't hot anymore and has been eating and resting. I gave her a bath and a massage with some chamomile, tangerine and sweet orange essential oils. It looks like she picked something up at her party on Sunday. We are so happy that this turned out to be a relatively minor bug when it could have been the end of our world. The hospital was fantastic, the staff was awesome, and Hazel was so brave. Everyone said so.

A HUGE shout-out to our good friend Corleigh, who brought Jamie and I our favorite Thai food in the hospital and coffee and bagels this morning. It was so nice to have yummy food, but even nicer to have the company. Thank-you Jillian, Janel, Molly and Natalie, too for your encouraging messages and offers of help. Hazel is lucky to have such an awesome group of extended-family aunties. We love you all.

Meet Hazel

So, Hazel had her Meet and Greet party at her Grandma Sandy's house. She wore a little wool, red-plaid jumper that I wore when I was her age, and she looked dashing if I do say so myself. It was quite tight on her, but I wiggled her into it anyway. At the end of the night we had to actually cut her out of the dress. I'm glad she got to wear it once...

She did very well with all of the excitement and held herself together like a lady (except for one big blowout of poop). She was all smiles and coos and cuddles with everyone who looked at her and charmed the pants off of everyone in attendance. Her cousins Nora and Taline were fascinated by her little self and followed around behind her like baby ducklings all afternoon. Six-year old Nora was so thrilled to meet Hazel (who she said was named "Hazel and Gretel") that she had made her a beautiful aqua headband and matching pillow with the help of her grandmother. It really is quite stunning, though we might have to wait a while before the headband fits her little pea head.

It was a small group of family, nothing fancy. The usual Suspects were in attendance: Grandma and Grandpa Donabed, Nate and his beautiful girlfriend Amy, Ani (Audrey) and Apo, Laraine and Koko with Taline and Nora, Jack and Patty Petersen, the O'Donnells (Patty, Loraine, Johnny and Jean with her husband Steve), Richard and Helena, Lisa Cowley, and Michelle.

We were prety tired after all was said and done. I didn't end up taking that many pictures because I was so busy chatting, but here are a few highlights.

Apo held a sleeping Hazel for half the day. She was quite content.

Jack, Patty, Grandpa Ralph and The Star of the Show.

Taline, Nora, Mama and the big bald dome.

Nora and Hazel-and-Gretel modeling her new handmade headband.

Amy and Hazel in her fabulous new sunglasses from Lisa Cowley.

"This Girl Needs a Bow!"

Hazel had her Two Month pediatricians appointment on Friday, and the nurse decided that Hazel needed a bow. She had her back to Jamie and I while she was measuring Hazel and babbling to her about how she needed a bow in her hair. Jamie and I sort of looked at each other and rolled our eyes but when the nurse turned around to hand her back to us, this is what we got:

By the way, Hazels new stats for those keeping track: 10 pounds 8 ounces (50th percentile), 24 inches long (75th percentile) and 15.5 inches head circumference (50th percentile).

Nine Week Nine Pictures!

One Plus One Equals One and a Half

So we have hit the two month marker. In many ways, I feel as though Hazel has been with us for much longer. Sometimes it seems as though she arrived yesterday. Either way, she has managed to fit herself seamlessly into our lives. Maybe it is because I've been used to changing my life around for the dogs, but I find myself thinking that this parenting thing really isn't that hard. It isn't nearly as difficult as people told us it would be. We still manage to go out and see our friends. We go out to dinner with each other just about as much as we did before Hazel. Our house is clean, the fridge is stocked, her room is all finished, the dogs are exercised. We certainly are busy, but its a comfortable busy. I still found time to give myself a pedicure and I take a shower every day. We get a little less sleep, but that won't last forever and it isn't that bad.

The first couple of weeks were hard; trying to breastfeed while recovering from labor and delivery and having visitors every day all day was not easy. If it wasn't for Jamie, I think everything would have fallen apart. There was one really terrible night when Hazel was screaming and Jamie was at work very, very late. I almost lost my mind, but it ended and its far in the past now and it has not happened since. I am in complete awe of single mothers now.

I especially love our mornings together. Hazel wakes up next to me talking to herself, all wide-eyed. She gives me a smile when I open my eyes and I feed her. She has a long period of alertness and we use that time to play together and read books. Then I can put her in her bouncer seat in the bathroom while I shower. She starts to get overwhelmed and a little fussy, so I usually pop her in her sling so that she can calm down and nap while I clean up, make coffee, and let the dogs out. Our day the consists of bursts of sleep, play, running around town, and doing whatever needs to get done. Not everything gets done, but mama doesn't care. When Jamie gets home, I'm pretty sick of being mama so he gets to snuggle Hazel while I tie up loose ends around the house. There was a time when she wouldn't let me put her down, even for a second, even if she was in a deep sleep. That seems to have ended, so now I have all this free time when she is sleeping in her seat. I honestly think that when she is running around things will be harder than this, but way more fun, too. I'm really looking forward to all of that. This part, while not hard, is really mundane a lot of the time. That has been more of a struggle.

I had initially been a bit upset that we had no help with Hazel, especially when Jamie was having to be at work all the time, but now it doesn't bother me at all. Now I think that I'm glad that I didn't have much interference because Hazel and I have been able to learn about one another and make our own world together. We got through it with each other she and I, and we are a pretty tight team now.

Two Months?!?!

On Saturday, Hazel accompanied us to Steve and Molly's Meat Fever 2008. Steve smoked ribs, brisket, chickens and pulled pork for seventeen hours. We drank too much beer, ate too many ribs, stayed out way too late and had so much fun with our good friends Natalie, Derek, Molly, Steve, Jeff and Stephanie. The visiting lymie blokes Dan and Nigel couldn't handle the American Meat; they were passed out and sweating when we arrived around 7pm and did not wake up all night. The most we got was a grunt and a wave when we left around midnight. Hazel also passed out when we arrived and only grunted all night.

Jamie using Hazel's head as a cookie plate.

(Hazel, if you're reading this in fifteen years, I love you, honey.)

Jamie obviously took this picture, since it is his favorite angle to photograph. All the better to capture ones double chin in the most flattering manner.

Natalie and Derek

Molly

Hazel also got to spend the day with her grandma Sandy who returned from Florida on Monday. We went over for lunch and stayed all afternoon to show her off.

On Sunday, Hazels other grandparents Mike and Ellie came for a visit. We entertained them with a walk around Newburyport and dinner at Agave Mexican Bistro. Mama was happy to get a couple of pomegranate martinis into herself, of course.

Unfortunately, Bad Mama forgot to get pictures of Hazel with her (great) aunt Audrey (Ani). Ani came up from Brookline to Ipswich bearing a ridiculous cheese borek. It was off the hook delicious, but I fear that I now need bypass surgery. Ani and I took Hazel out for a walk in the carriage in downtown Ipswich and had a nice lunch at Stone Soup Cafe. We love visitors, and Ani was particularly patient with an especially fussy Hazel.

Yesterday, before going to grandma Sandy's, Hazel and I attended our Neurotic Mother's Group in Beverly. A bunch of women have returned to work and some have "graduated" to the Thursday morning group because their children are now four months old. The group felt much smaller so it was a bit more relaxed. There was a large turn-out of brand new moms last week. One woman was there with her five day old baby, after having a c-section, and she has 21 month old twins at home!! I'm shocked at how tiny and new the babies look compared to Hazel, who is now getting to be one of the Big Kids. I remember when she would just sleep through the whole group, but now she is wide awake and a trouble-maker!

This coming week is a big one for Hazel. She is having a vaccination on Friday, and we are terribly nervous about it. Because we are doing the Sears Alternative Vaccine Schedule, Hazel is only getting DTaP (diphtheria, tetanus and acellular pertussis), but we still are sick to our stomachs. (The current CDC schedule recommends Hepatitis B, rotavirus, haemophilus influenzae type B, pneumococcal and polio in addition to the DTaP all at once at her 8 week visit.) Please keep your fingers crossed for us on Friday morning.

Hazel's Favorite Songs This Week

The Ramones: Do You Wanna Dance?
Twisted Sister: We're Not Gonna Take It
The Swirlies: Pancake House
Modern English: I'll Melt With You (she's just as mortified as I am that this is now a fast food commercial)
Ben Kweller: How It Should Be (Sha Sha)
Death Cab For Cutie: I Will Follow You Into The Dark (too bad mama can't hear this song without crying her eyes out)
Jay-Z: Izzo (H.O.V.A.)
Justin Timberlake: Sexy Back
The Kingston Trio: MTA
Marvin Gaye: Whats Goin' On
The Pipettes: Dirty Mind (Demo)
The Be Good Tanyas: The Littlest Birds
Postal Service: We Will Become Silhouettes
School House Rocks
Wycleff Jean: Perfect Gentlemen
Cowboy Junkies: Sweet Jane
Any Jonathan Richman with or without the Modern Lovers.
Anything that makes mama scoop her up and dance around singing.
And especially that CD that just plays a heartbeat.

Seven Weeks Old

Every time we put her snow suit on her, we get this face. She freezes with her limbs stuck straight out and looks shocked at what we have done to her. Poor thing.

We don't have a lot of pictures for this week. I think we have been pretty busy. Jamie was home Friday and Monday of this week, but Monday doesn't count because he had oral surgery. While Jamie was getting his jaw cut open, Hazel and I walked the beach in Swampscott and had some coffee. It rained for a lot of the weekend, so we didn't do very much, but somehow the time flew and nothing that we planned to have done, was done (yardwork and taxes, mostly). Jamie was able to take Hazel down to Boston on Saturday to have lunch with his parents and it allowed me the time to finally take a bath and work my scary feet back to normal. Pregnancy did a number on them since they were out of reach for many moons. Saturday night I was able to go out with my girlfriends for Too Much Wine and Too Much Indian Food and most importantly, some adult conversation that did not revolve around baby related crap. I missed Hazel terribly, but going out and feeling normal again was priceless.

Yesterday we took the dogs back to the beach in snobby and exclusive Manchester-by-the-Sea. Hazel tolerated her snow-suit and the cold. We did not make it out to our Neurotic Mothers Group yesterday morning due to an epic blowout of poop, pee and puke from every orifice all at once. It was truly magnificent. Hazel was spitting up out of her nose while peeing all over herself and kicking her feet around in the poop that was running down both legs. I just stood back with my jaw agape and waited for it to be over so that I might intervene. When the leaking seemed to come to a stop, I picked her up and carried her to the bathroom to hose her off like a baby elephant. We decided that the Neurotic Mothers could do without this story, as it was really the most eventful baby-related thing I would have to contribute when it was my turn to speak.

Speaking of mamas, my very cool mama-friend Michelle (also a SAHM, but a very laid back, snarky, and intelligent one) sent me this blog. I feel like this woman is a funnier and smarter version of me, but damn if she doesn't live inside my head! I'll just let her speak for me from now on.