Did I Ever Post These?

And It Feels So Good

And for those who arent in the know, this is what cupping is all about.

Happy Inauguration Day!

Hazel went to her infant massage class this morning that my doula, Lorryn is doing for a small group of friends, but she skipped her afternoon playgroup at the Ipswich Birth to Three Center so she could stay home and watch the historic Inauguration of President Obama on the tube. She was delighted by it, clapping whenever the crowd clapped (often) and staring with rapt attention at Elizabeth Alexander's poem being read. We are all very proud of our country today!

Here are some pictures we had laying around from the month. We had grand plans to go out to see our friends in western Massachusetts for New Years Eve, but instead we were hit with a big snowstorm and a very fussy baby who, turns out, had a double ear infection and four teeth coming through. So, instead we stayed home like most of New England did. On New Years Day, mama drove out to Stockbridge to attend a four-day yoga and meditation retreat at an ashram. It was nothing short of amazing. I left there walking on clouds.

This was something I had been planning on doing all year in honor of Hazel's first birthday. February 19th not only marks the end of her first year on earth (this time around) but it also marks the day I became a mother, the happiest and most transformative day of my life. Obviously, this year has been full of transformations for my little family; some positive and some not so positive. But they all brought us here, to divine perfection. Being back in Stockbridge is always a bittersweet time for me, too (see the MY CAUSE section of links in the sidebar) as it was the place where I was abandoned and abused so many years ago. Now that place lies in ruins, leaving a wake of scarred adults behind it and right next door is this place of magnificent beauty and warmth where I went for healing. I see everything coming around full circle for me, in a series of circles, series of cycles, always beginning and ending in a New England winter. Sorry to be cryptic, but 2008 was a year of revolution, in the truest sense of the word; back to the beginning with my birth from a clam shell in the sea foam. Hazel will know what I'm talking about, and she is the only one who matters. Viva la revolution! Viva Obama! Viva New England! Viva Hazel and her mama! Viva viva viva!

Another classic stink-eye.

Double ear infection never stopped me!

Taking the T (subway to you out-of-towners) from Harvard to the Museum.

Learning how to wait for the next train with a look of boredom and mild distaste like a true Bostonian.

Making friends at the Aquarium- a doomed relationship.

Why so aloof?

Watching Planet Earth. I had to put her in her Exersaucer because she was trying to climb into the TV.

Using chopsticks at wagamama, the best little noodle house! This is where we like to go when we visit Jamie at his office for lunch.

Final Christmas Post

On Christmas Morning, soon after the Giraffe Incident, we headed up to the Northeast Kingdom in Vermont to stay with Grammy and Grampy Donovan for a few days. We made our annual trip to Caplan's Army Store, visited with friends and family and ate a lot of turkey. Hazel had a blast, as usual. Here are some pictures of her with her Uncle Jeremy and Uncle Christopher, her first encounter with a Christmas tree and four videos of her in action. The last video is really special- Uncle Jeremy serenades Hazel with Blackbird by The Beatles. It's more sweet than I can even say...

Hazel with her Uncle Christopher

Christmas Continued

Still trying to catch up with all of these holiday pictures, so let's not waste any more time. First off, look at how incredibly beautiful my daughter is becoming. Every day she grows into herself a little more, and is just blooming into this opinionated, independent, curious almost-toddler. I'm just continually amazed by her. Even in my wildest dreams when I was pregnant, I never pictured her like this. I never imagined that she would be so bright and so beautiful. She just takes my breath away a thousand times a day.

Hazel and her cousin Owen, who is ten months older than her. Isn't it funny how much they look alike? I guess it's not that funny- they are related. I can't wait to see them grow up together.

This picture was so much fun to take! See the video at the end of the post of the crazy grown ups trying to get them to all look at the camera. So, left to right, this is Hazel, Annabelle, Owen, Cecelia and Lorna. This is five of six cousins, all born within two years!

Okay, so yes, Jamie and I brought Hazel to a bar in Jamaica Plain on her first Christmas, but it's not what you think. We had some time to kill is all, and the dining area was closed and there is this great big stone fireplace in this bar and we just thought it would be a nice place to grab a beer and warm up between parties. That's all. But, In case no one noticed, I have no pictures of Hazel with Santa. This is mostly because I refuse to wait in line with a screaming baby for three hours at the mall. So, we are sitting in the bar when this man (obviously Santa) leans over and says, "So, you want a picture with the kid?" and he pulls his hat out of his pocket! I guess he was just fueling up for his trip around the planet later that evening. He was kind enough to come over and do his thing for the camera, and I love that in Hazel's first pictures with Santa you can see whats on tap.

Oddly enough, she was the only baby in the bar this Christmas.

Off to the second Christmas part of the day at Hazel's great Aunt and Uncles house. She was pretty exhausted at this point, and was a little stunned by the attention showered on her by her tween cousins and aunties. This is her cousin Nora holding up the very cool hat and mittens she picked out for Hazel. We can't wait until she is big enough to wear it.

Here is my double chin.

She really is quite good at opening presents.

Trying to escape the tween paparazzi.

Best. Christmas. Ever.

Jamie has had his eye on this giraffe for Hazel since I was pregnant. Finally he had his chance! Hazel woke up in a delightful mood- I would rate this a three on the four-point escalation scale for Hazels fussiness. You can tell by how many pacifiers she has in play- note in this picture that she has one in her mouth, and one in her hand. If we were to ignore her much longer and allowed her to become more upsent, she may pick another pacifier up with her free hand and wave them both around through her tears. When Hazel reaches mach 4, she will rapidly switch the pacifier in her mouth out for the ones in her hands in a sort of juggling-type movement; spit out the one in the mouth, plug mouth with right-hand pacifier, become upset that both hands aren't holding pacifiers, pick up pacifier that had been spit out, repeat cycle. This is how she woke up, so we thought it would be a good time to present her with her gift. And document it. Enjoy in particular the video. Note the poopy butt-sniff at 0:28. Merry Christmas, little Porkpie! You make us laugh so much.

I would like to add that now, about three weeks later, the girafe lives in the corner of her room and she spends every moment in there waving at it. "Hi, girafe. Hi, girafe. Hi, girafe." I think it is going to be one of the things about her childhood that she rememebers forever.

Winter Interlude

Just wanted to post some pictures from our holiday snowstorm.

Our neighbors house! They couldn't even use the front door. Methinks someone should think about some supplemental insulation in this roof.

Finally, Part One

Here are some mediocre pictures from Hazel's first Langford Yankee Swap party in Maine. This is by far our favorite holiday party. Please note Hazel's super cute bow. She was quite the star, despite being passed from auntie to auntie all night long. She held up well like the tough girl she is. The last picture is Hazel picking her Yankee Swap gift. She got mama a "movie night" basket, complete with candy popcorn and a DVD of the Dark Knight. Way to go, Hazel! Much better than the crappy gifts we normally get (or the crappy gifts we normally contribute to the swap). Hazel certainly love opening presents, and honed her skills well this night.

We were lucky to get lots and lots of snow this holiday season, which we love so Hazels first Christmas was a white Christmas. Lucky kiddo. Lucky mama. Sometimes I just can't even believe how lucky we are that we get to keep her... We spent as much time in the snow as we could, but Hazel had a pretty yucky cold, as did mama and it was about a hundred below zero. She had fun catching the snowflakes on her perfect little pink tongue. Here are our pictures from the afternoon we headed out to our farm in a snowstorm to pick up our farm share. We live in the most beautiful part of Massachusetts, I think. Lucky kiddo, lucky mama.

Before

Oh, and by the way, honey- in case you're interested someday, this is a picture of mama when she was 18 and living in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. I had not seen it before the other day when an old dear friend sent it to me. This is what your mama looks like without all those silly tattoos. But you know whats cool? I remember the moment that this picture was taken- I was sitting on a balcony in Mexico City writing in my journal and it was starting to rain. I can even show you exactly what I was writing because I still have this journal. But the cool thing is that as I was sitting there, unbeknownst to me at the time, I had a little unhatched egg in my young ovary that was YOU. Crazy, hu? I love that I have been carrying you with me for this long.

Working

I am plugging away at getting back to blogging! I have a half-ton of holiday pictures that I have to crop myself out of and de-red eye before I post them. I know it has been centuries since I updated here, but here is an abridged version of our holiday. Tune in later for details!

Langford Christmas Swap in Maine with a lot of "I'm not drunk! You're drunk!". We look forward to this Yankee Swap every year, and can't wait for the long standing family tradition of making the legal-to-drive-but-not-legal-to-drink kids drive us home at the end of the night.

Hazel's scary encounter with a giant stuffed giraffe on Christmas morning!

Chaotic Christmas Eve with Hazel's four cousins, Annabelle, Cecelia, Owen and Lorna- all under the age of two! Holy moley.

Photo-op with Santa in a bar in Jamaica Plain! (Yes, we took Hazel to a bar in Boston on her first Christmas. Meet my family.)

Donabed Christmas party where Hazel's every move was shadowed by a gaggle of tween cousins.

Christmas morning drive to Vermont with a car full of dogs and babies.

Christmas weekend with Grammy and Grampy trying ice cream for the first time, playing with her fifth cousin Oliver (also under 2!), opening lots of presents, and getting serenaded by the uncles.

A tandem Christening.

A double ear infection and blizzard that shut down our New Years Eve plans with friends in Wilbraham, Massachusetts, birthplace of Friendly's Restaurant.

Mama's emotional breakdown and subsequent four day silent yoga and meditation retreat at an ashram in the Berkshires.

Now we're back and trying to gain the upper-hand on life again! Hazel is still having a hard time swallowing certain foods, and we are still being followed by her surgeon. We will be for a long time. The new year promises to offer her some nutrition and speech/swallow therapy. I have been having some pretty annoying vertigo from my multiple sclerosis, and a three week head cold. So life has been going on... While we were happy to see certain events of 2008 go, I was also sad to see the year that Hazel was born blow right through. She is almost a year old, and I'm having a hard time watching my baby go! I had always heard how terrible being a mother can be; oh the sacrifice! Oh the loss of identity! Oh the lack of independence! Well, none of that bothered me in the slightest. I was so scared for motherhood, having spent my life internalizing these negative messages and instead found myself one of the luckiest women in the world. I know I'm a good mama (despite having my baby in a bar on her first Christmas) because I love it so much and was one of the lucky women who fell deeply, unreasonably in love with her the moment I saw her! Being Hazel's mother is a thousand times over the most incredible adventure and blessing I ever could have received. I'm so fortunate that she chose me to be her mama. I can't say it enough, and I don't know that anything I could say could ever communicate what I feel. I just spend every moment trying to make Hazel feel the love that we have for her. The world would be such a dark place without her. I only wish that I had not listened to the ugly, negative voices around me and had decided to bring babies into my family earlier. I think that because of my age, and because of multiple sclerosis, there will only be time for one more. Oh! But the world could use a thousand more Hazels!