Can't Be Contained

I am beyond angry, beyond heart broken, beyond distressed and shaking with emotion.  Elaina Redding was two years old when she died last week.  The button battery that she swallowed remained in her esophagus for ten hours before it killed her.  For Hazel, the battery remained in her esophagus for six days.  Elaina's doctor did a chest x-ray after her mother reported that her daughter had been coughing up blood.  After Hazel's second admission to the hospital following respiritory distress and an episode of coughing up bright red blood, we were told that it couldnt be blood, and that the doctor "wasn't even going to look in [her] throat".  

This poor child, beautiful baby, loved by her family, supposed to live forever, was taken out of this life by something that Hazel and I grazed by.  Something hard, hot, corrosive and terrible brushed us as it moved by and settled in with another family chosen at random.  I don't know if there is a way to express my horror and my sadness.  Please think of this perfect child- running, intact, cool, smooth, alive.

Hazel Takes Washington....Twice

So, like I said earlier, the stars aligned and the Donovan's took three separate trips to Washington DC in the month of April, two of which Hazel was on.  The first was a quick family vacation, and the second was for the MS walk with friends.  We were lucky (?) that our first trip coincided with the cherry blossoms, which were quite beautiful, but the District was also pretty overwhelmed with tourists, too.  Hazel enjoyed herself, but travelling with a toddler is certainly a different experience than traveling with a baby.  She did great on the flight, no screaming or yelling, but was so interested in every single thing that it was hard to contain her.  She wanted to take everything out of the seat pockets, say HI to every passenger, and march up and down the aisle.  I didn't get any pictures from her flights, since my hands and brain were full trying to keep her under control, but the mental picture I have of her looking out the window and yelling, "VROOM VROOM!" is priceless.

Hazel and mama in The District

First carousel ride.  It didn't go over as well as I had hoped.

 

Smithsonian Natural History Museum

Longer lines than Space Mountain

Waving at the rays at the National Zoo

I have very mixed feelings about pachyderm exhibits in zoos.  Hazel was mostly confused, too.

Mount Vernon was also terribly crowded, so we didn't get to see inside the main house, but it was a beautiful day, so we just chilaxed on the lawn.

The outside of the house was cool...

Visiting friends in Adams Morgan

Quincy was so good at smiling for the camera!

Hazel falling apart around three hours past her bedtime.  She was a trooper.

Cherry blossoms on the Potomac.

Looking down the Mall

My uncle, Gary Ray Townsend

Hazel with her Uncle Gary

Washington trip number two!  Hazel and I flew down and stayed with our friend Heather (in the middle) and her son Zach who was born the same month as Hazel.  On the right is Leanne and her daughter Lexi, who is another February 2008 baby!

Our Walk MS Team!  From the left, Kim and her daughters (Shaleah is Hazel's age), Wendy and her daughter Regan, Leanne and her daughter Lexi, Me and Hazel, Heather and her son Zach.  Despite the 90+ degree Virginia heat, we had a blast walking together.  Hopefully we can do it every year.  All together, between both MS walks, Hazel raised just over $4100!  I'm so proud of that kid...

Hi there friends,

As most of you probably know, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis back in September, when Hazel was just six months old (though my neurologists think that I have had it for much longer). It was a very difficult time for us, as the future is so uncertain with this disease.  It is easy to imagine all sorts of terrifying scenarios.  I have been on daily injections of the disease modifying drug Copaxone since my diagnosis, as well as taking advantage of many complimentary and alternative treatments.  I'm glad to say that I am in remission right now, but the next flare always is looming on the horizon.  At some point you just have to stop thinking about what the future could possibly hold and start to take action.  I'm still scared for the future, but I'm very hopeful that the cure is right around the corner.  Research is ongoing, and the past decade has seen amazing advances in treatment of the disease.  The MS of today is not the MS of fifteen years ago. 

So, that said, I figured it had been a while since I hit you all up for money and you were probably wondering what I've been doing with myself.  On April 4th, I'm leading a team in the MS Walk in Newburyport, Massachusetts.  Please help by making a donation - large or small - to create a world free of MS. Or, why not join me on the day of the walk?  Become a walker, and as teammates we can work together to raise the funds to make a difference.  Whatever you can give will help! I greatly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress.

Click here to make a secure, online donation on my personal page or to join me, Jamie and Hazel on the day of the walk in beautiful Newburyport! 

Thank you!

National MS Society

Central New England Chapter

1-800-344-4867

http://www.msnewengland.org/

Happy Inauguration Day!

Hazel went to her infant massage class this morning that my doula, Lorryn is doing for a small group of friends, but she skipped her afternoon playgroup at the Ipswich Birth to Three Center so she could stay home and watch the historic Inauguration of President Obama on the tube. She was delighted by it, clapping whenever the crowd clapped (often) and staring with rapt attention at Elizabeth Alexander's poem being read. We are all very proud of our country today!

Here are some pictures we had laying around from the month. We had grand plans to go out to see our friends in western Massachusetts for New Years Eve, but instead we were hit with a big snowstorm and a very fussy baby who, turns out, had a double ear infection and four teeth coming through. So, instead we stayed home like most of New England did. On New Years Day, mama drove out to Stockbridge to attend a four-day yoga and meditation retreat at an ashram. It was nothing short of amazing. I left there walking on clouds.

This was something I had been planning on doing all year in honor of Hazel's first birthday. February 19th not only marks the end of her first year on earth (this time around) but it also marks the day I became a mother, the happiest and most transformative day of my life. Obviously, this year has been full of transformations for my little family; some positive and some not so positive. But they all brought us here, to divine perfection. Being back in Stockbridge is always a bittersweet time for me, too (see the MY CAUSE section of links in the sidebar) as it was the place where I was abandoned and abused so many years ago. Now that place lies in ruins, leaving a wake of scarred adults behind it and right next door is this place of magnificent beauty and warmth where I went for healing. I see everything coming around full circle for me, in a series of circles, series of cycles, always beginning and ending in a New England winter. Sorry to be cryptic, but 2008 was a year of revolution, in the truest sense of the word; back to the beginning with my birth from a clam shell in the sea foam. Hazel will know what I'm talking about, and she is the only one who matters. Viva la revolution! Viva Obama! Viva New England! Viva Hazel and her mama! Viva viva viva!

Another classic stink-eye.

Double ear infection never stopped me!

Taking the T (subway to you out-of-towners) from Harvard to the Museum.

Learning how to wait for the next train with a look of boredom and mild distaste like a true Bostonian.

Making friends at the Aquarium- a doomed relationship.

Why so aloof?

Watching Planet Earth. I had to put her in her Exersaucer because she was trying to climb into the TV.

Using chopsticks at wagamama, the best little noodle house! This is where we like to go when we visit Jamie at his office for lunch.

Still Glowing

It's all we can talk about. There are a thousand angels singing in our heads. It is a very happy time! This picture says it all.

Signed Sealed Delivered

Baby, I'm watching history and you are sleeping upstairs on your belly. In an amazing moment for our country, we have just elected the first black President of the United States, Barack Obama. He will be sworn in before your first birthday, and you will have already lived through a complete transformation in your country and in the world. We did this for you, baby. I have never been so proud of my fellow Americans before. I have hope again, and it feels amazing. Your generation will grow up in a different world. This is even better than when the Sox won the 2004 World Series, and you have no idea what that was like! This is a night of Thanksgiving, a beautiful evening full of promise and optimism. I love you.

Crushing Anxiety

I will be taking a break from blogging until the presidential election is decided. This is an incredibly emotional election for me, my first as a mother. I feel as if more is at stake now than there ever has been before in my lifetime. I am scared, anxious and excited to see what the next couple of days have in store for my country. This is the end of a very long and trying struggle. As far as my family is concerned, there is only one choice for us. I know that Barack Obama is going to be the best president for me as a mother, as a social worker, as someone with a chronic illness, as a survivor of institutional child abuse. I have faith that my fellow Americans will make the right choice. I hope and pray that when I return to this blog, it will be to announce that my country has elected it's first black president, and that my daughter will grow up in a country in which truly anything is possible.

We Did It!

318 to 103

...and I'm so damn proud.

So Exciting

...and it's all going down this Tuesday. I wish I could be there.